Learning To Love You More




Assignment #51
Describe what to do with your body when you die.

Daniel Guelph
Ontario, CANADA



A funeral can cost upwards to $10 000 in Ontario and I'm cheap so a small gathering at home with music, drinks, and a selection of fondue and treats to dip into them is more than enough. There will be at least three different cheeses - Emmental, Gruyere, and Appenzeller - as well as three chocolates: milk, dark, and 85% cocoa. Homemade breads (French, Rye, and a very small loaf of whole wheat) will be timed so that they'll just finish baking at the moment of serving. Fresh fruits and vegetables of all colours, tastes, and places of origin will be cut into perfect dipping sizes. Napkins will be made of cloth, not paper and chairs will have cushions for extra comfort.
All of the useful remains of my body will be donated. However, they must be retrieved in a way that does not cause major changes to my exterior, especially my face and hands.
The funds saved from the funeral will be used in this next step. All remains will be sent to a local Taxidermist who will prepare my body in a standing position with a very upright posture. Both arms will require swivel action through some kind of mechanism. Next, my body will be sent to a Make-Up Artist who will dry brush my features and mask any imperfections. Paying close attention to maintain full swivel action of both arms, the entire body will be coated with a matte style finish.
In the meantime a small group of my closest, most physically fit family members and friends will be training night and day . Their diet will begin immediately after the fondue party. They will find building plans for the hippest clothing store in NYC. After a concrete plan of action is set, the body will be sent into the United States. Finally in a professional style, the group will break into the store at its most vulnerable time, replace a mannequin in the front window display, switch the clothes onto my body, and return home to continue on with their lives.