Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Alicia Far
Huntsville, Alabama USA



me: Hello?
her: Hey, how are you?
me: Could be better. How are you?
her: Yeah...
me: ...
her: ...
me: Uh...So, I'm sorry I didn't go to your wedding.
her: Me too. I looked for you.
me: I hope you can understand why I wasn't there.
her: Yeah. I do.
me: So, how long have you known?
her: When did I not know is the better question.
me: I didn't know it was that obvious. Embarrassing. So that's why you asked me that question that one time? To get me to admit it?
her: Yes.
me: I wondered. I'm sorry I didn't when I had the chance.
her: Me too.
me: I thought I saw you a while back in that parking lot. Then last year at Dianna's funeral and then at that store. I almost said something to you but he was with you and you know how I am.
her: Yeah, I thought that was you. You looked different.
me: Yeah...
her: ...
me: ...So why did you call me?
her: I wanted you to know that I do think of you. And I did want to kiss you that time we were alone sitting on that stage in the quiet.
me: Why didn't you?
her: Why didn't YOU?
me: I was scared.
her: I was too.
me: If you had, I think I might have died.
her: I miss you.
me: I miss you, too, but you shouldn't be telling me this. It makes me think impossible things.
her: Well, I just wanted you to know. You weren't alone in those feelings. You made the potentially-terrible trips worth it. And I only flirted with those guys in front of you so no one would think anything. I didn't want to hurt you. I wanted to be with you. In the rooms we stayed in. That was the best part. When it was 2AM and we were still awake. Laughing. It never felt good leaving those places.
me: It's good to hear that.
her: It's good to say it.
me: ...
her: Sometimes I want to go back to how it was before. When things were "simple" but somehow still incredibly complicated. You complicated things for me.
me: Wow, thanks.
her: You know what I mean.
me: I do. It's just easier to be angry. I get angry when I think about you every day and when I think about how I still have dreams about you.
her: I'm sorry.
me: No, you're not. Don't say something if you don't mean it. That's the worst thing you can possibly do.
her: ...
me: ...
her: ...well...John is calling.
me: ...
her: I'm sorry if I upset you.
me: Bye.
her: Bye.