Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Doug LeMoine
San Francisco, California USA



Me: Grandmother?!
Grandmother: Is this Douglas LeMoine?
Me: Yes! It's me, Grandmother! Wow!
Grandmother: Ahem. This isn't your grandmother. This is the IRS.
Me: Grandmother, I know it's you. We have caller ID now. It's this thing on our phones that says who's calling. Mine says, "Grandmother."
Grandmother: [silence]
Me: So, yeah. It's harder to prank call people now. Anyway, how are you?
Grandmother: ... Does it really say my name, Douglas?
Me: Yes.
Grandmother: ... Amazing.
Me: So ... They have phones there?
Grandmother: At the IRS? Of course we do.
Me: [laughter]
Grandmother: Oh, Douglas. Do you miss me?
Me: Of course I do. I think about you all the time.
Grandmother: You're sweet. Your Grandfather says hello. He and Henry are out watching the purple martins right now.
Me: Wow, that's --
Grandmother: Anyhow, I hear you have a girlfriend now.
Me: Yes. I do. She's --
Grandmother: Can I speak with her?
Me: Umm, sure.
Mara: Hello?
Grandmother: Hello. This is Ethel McKenzie from the San Francisco Zoo. To whom am I speaking?
Mara: This is Mara Greenaway.
Grandmother: Hello, Mara. How do I say this? Our Burmese python, Linus, has gone missing, and we believe that it is in your apartment.
Mara: Gosh. Okay.
Grandmother: [barely stifled laughter]
Mara: Hello?
Grandmother: Oh, Mara. I'm so sorry. I was kidding! This is Douglas's grandmother, Jane LeMoine.
Mara: Oh, hello. Doug has told me so much about you.
Me: [Giving double-thumbs-up sign, mouthing "Thank you"]
Grandmother: You're not too nice to him, are you?
Mara: I try not to be.
Grandmother: I like you, Mara. Do you play bridge?
Mara: No.
Grandmother: Perfect. It's terribly addicting. If you do learn, don't teach Douglas until he retires.
Mara: Okay.
Grandmother: Well, I'm off. Give Douglas a kiss for me, will you?
Mara: Of course! Bye!
Doug: [in the background] Bye! Call me again! Say hi to Grandad and Henry and Emily and AJ!
Grandmother: Will do! Toodles!