Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Katie O'Shea
Portland, Oregon USA



Katie: Hello ... ? Is that you, Will?
Will: Hi, Kate!
Katie: Will ... wow, I didn't think I'd ever hear from you. Ever.
Will: Um. Me, neither. This whole death thing was new to me, too, I guess.
Katie: Sure. Right. Of course. God dammitt, that sucked.
Will: Really? I'm ... well, maybe it's vain, but I'm glad to hear you say that. The way it all ended between your sister and I, I thought maybe you were glad I was dead.
Katie: Of course not, Will. I was -- shit, I was so mad at you, though. You know for a while, I wasn't sure if I was glad you were dead or not. I never got the chance to even tell you how mad I was. You fucking trumped me.
Will: Huh. That's a shitty thing to say, Katie.
Katie: Oh, you betcha. It's a shitty thing to say, and it was a shitty way to feel, and it was a shitty thing for you to have done. Just shitty all around.
Will: I didn't do it on purpose.
Katie: What, didn't leave a shitty mess on purpose, or didn't die on purpose?
Will: Either one.
Katie: I don't know if I believe you. Maybe you didn't mean to leave a shitty mess on purpose, but that was only because you didn't care enough not to.
Will: You're wrong. I didn't mean to leave a shitty mess. I never meant to leave.
Katie: I don't believe that, either. You only overdosed the once, but... well, ok, you only overdosed the TWICE, but you'd been killing yourself slowly for years.
Will: Are you faulting me for being flawed? For being Will?
Katie: I'm faulting you for wanting my sister to love you, for loving her back. I'm faulting you for breaking up with her at the worst possible time. I'm faulting you for being Will and also for not being the Will you used to be. I'm faulting you for caring enough to write to me later, and I'm faulting you for asking my forgiveness. And then I'm faulting you for dying.
Will: So you're faulting me for being human.
Katie: Maybe. Maybe I'm faulting you for being a little too human.
Will: Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore.