Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Elizabeth Santos
Minneapolis, Minnesota USA



Me: Hello?
Daddy: Hi baby.
Me: Hi daddy, whats up?
Daddy: I just wanted to say Hi, and that I love you sweetie.
Me: Oh, well, I love you too? Is everything alright dad?
Daddy: Yeah, I was just thinking and, well, it came to me suddenly that I haven't been the best father.
Me: oh dad...
Daddy: well, just let me say this while I have the opportunity to, while I am still clear headed enough to realize what I have done to you and your sister and brother, and your mother.
Me: dad, we all did it too each other.
Daddy: I know but,╩I could have said I am sorry.
Me: well, your sayin it right now, right?
Daddy: I'm coming home, you need me more than ever right now, and I want to be there for╩you, meet your boyfriend who cares about you so much...see you smile and be happy.
Me: Dad, your not so well yourself, maybe coming back here wouldn't be so good for me. I have a hard enough time dealing with mom. She is really all over the place lately and is getting to be almost too much for me to deal with. One minute she's knows exactly what she wants and is calm and happy.. the next she'll be screaming at me accusing me of emotionally abusing her! Me doing it to her, funny isn't it?
Daddy: Mmm Hmm..
Me: I'm just so sick of it dad, I don't want to deal with both of you. I am still so mad at you anyway. Both of you. All of you. I'm mad. I want to forgive you both, but I cant until I find a life of my own. I need to get out of your lives, your realities of suffering.
Daddy: I'm sorry
Me: don't be, it has made me a beautiful and strong person dad.
Daddy: You are baby, you are. I just want to support you.
Me: you can try, I wont stop you from trying, but I know how to do it on my own now.
Daddy: you are still so young though..I can still help you.
Me: no, you cant. Just be happy dad. Just be happy, that's all I want for you dad. Just be happy, do what you can to salvage your precious life dad, you can still do so much, experience so much. Learn to love again, learn to be free and brave. You can do it dad I know you can.
Daddy: Anna...
Me: no dad, that's all, there is no more to talk about.
Daddy: okay
Me: maybe, one more thing dad...
Daddy: Yes baby.
Me: You know one way you can support me?
Daddy: What?
Me: Die happy and content and not wishing you would have done anything different, I will be able to move past this all then...be able to die happy when its my turn. Okay dad.
Daddy: You are a wonderful person, my sweet daughter. I love you and I will talk to you soon.
Me:╩ I love you dad