Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

San Francisco, California USA



Me: Mom! How...
Mom: I know that you loved me.
Me: Thank you. I did and do and will... How is this happening?
Mom: I don't know how, but it's happening because you need it... I do now know why you were angry and sad so often. And I love you for that too.
Me: You realize I'm standing right where I got the call that you died? The same terminal at Oakland Airport.
Mom: Yes.
Me: Thank you for that message months ago.
Mom: Which was that?
Me: You mean there have been lots?
Mom: Oh yes.
Me: I'm talking about the last time I was at this terminal and I got that text message, said, "Mom is here."
Mom: Yes, you were right to believe in that. To believe even though it was written by a stranger for someone else, it still found its way to you for a reason. That is a good way to live. Keep it up.
Me: You didn't catch it in the air and redirect it to me?
Mom: No, I didn't.
Me: I don't understand. You're saying to believe there was a reason even if there wasn't anything supernatural. Which is what I did. But you also said there have been other messages - which I missed! And you're talking to me now!
Mom: I'm saying I don't have to send something to be in it. I'm saying don't worry about what's real. That world is not the reality you need remain loyal to. Make it into what you believe, what you want to live in. To any degree, on any scale.
Me: Okay, I'll try... So, how are you? I've been dying to know.
Mom: Happier, but I miss you and your sister. Your dad, not as often. The world, not one bit. Remember how I told you I believed the world was hell...? Well... I guess I shouldn't get into that... Did you know I'm proud of you, that I think you're as amazing as humanly possible?
Me: Even this year?
Mom: Certainly.
Me: But why'd I have to go through this year? I almost suffocated staying strong. I worked too hard. I kept distant. I have stress fractures in my teeth. Why are you calling me now, not then? I mean I'd rather lost all my limbs than do a year like that. I needed more calls. And my heart still beats like a threat...
Mom: You went through it so you can be even more angry and more sad and more loving. And you should know this: you've hardly even begun. I have to go; I love you: Take care of your heart.
Me: Wait! Why wouldn't you ever go to a doctor!? We begged you to. Grandpa had tons of heart attacks. Why didn't you try not to have one - the one!? Why didn't you take care of you!? Don't you think you had too much faith!?
Mom: (gone)
Me: (still here)