Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

Laura H.
New York, New York USA



Me: Hello?
Him: Hey.
Me: Who is this?
Him: It's me, ______.
Me: Oh. wow. HEY.
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Um... I'm about to make dinner, but I can't decide what I want. Where are you?
Him: I'm in New York.
Me: Really? Didn't you move to D.C. or something?
Him: Yea, I was there for a couple months but I just moved back.
Me: Wait, so did you get another new job here?
Him: No, I'm still doing the same thing, but I just requested to be transferred here.
Me: Oh ok, that's cool.
Him: Yea so, I'm here now.
Me: Oh wow..... wow, I dont know what to say... You caught me completely off guard -- we haven't talked in months. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to act.
Him: Yea, I know. You know me, I'm pretty bad at keeping in touch. I've been busy. I'm sorry about that.
Me: Yea, we've all been busy. I guess we didn't talk much before you left, anyway.
Him: So I just wanted to tell you I'm here now... and also, I always wanted to apologize for the way I broke things off with you.
Me: ... wait, what?
Him: I know it's late, but I've regretted the way I ended things between us for a long time. I don't know, it's hard to just bring it up out of nowhere. You know how I am.
Me: Yea I do know. I'm surprised you're even bringing it up now.
Him: Haha, yea I know, me too. I mean, you probably felt this more than I did, but I guess I always felt like things were unfinished, but I just kept pushing it out of my mind and didn't think about it.
Me: Yea, well...
Him: I just didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know how else to do it at the time... it was wrong, and I knew it, but I kind of... just took the easy way out I guess.
Me: I figured that out eventually.
Him: Yea...
Me: Why are you telling me this now? It's been years -- wow, it's been YEARS. It doesn't feel that long ago, and at the same time it does. So much has happened since then.
Him: Yea, tell me about it. I turn 25 this year.
Me: Yea... I guess things happened the way they did between us because I was young. Thinking back on it, I had grown up a lot by that time, but I was still growing so much. There was so much I didn't know. I was just... really young and still unsure. And you know it was my first relationship.
Him: Yea I know...
Me: Well, I forgave you a long time ago, if that's what you wanted to know.
Him: No, well, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry because for once I really felt like I needed to just get that across to you. I've been thinking a lot lately about what happened between us and it's just... you know, like I said, unfinished.
Me: So what do you mean?
Him: I mean... I think we both made mistakes and things turned out the way they did because of the circumstances back then...
Me: Well that's certainly true...
Him: I don't know, I've been thinking about it a lot... I have a lot more time now... I guess I kind of just want to see if we can try to find out if anything can happen with us again.
Me: Really?
Him: Yea. I feel like we've had enough time apart... I've grown a lot since then, as I'm sure you have too.
Me: Do you even still have feelings for me?
Him: Yea... I mean, I've put them away for a long time, but for the first time, I feel like I'm ready to just... stop fighting off the risk of losing my independence... I guess I just realized I've just been pushing people away... I don't want to do that anymore.
Me: wow... I'm so... stunned. I don't know what to think right now... I'm kind of confused to be honest... I mean, I was so in love with you at the time... and then later on, I thought maybe that was just blind infatuation or something, I couldn't explain it to myself how it happened... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I could never put it into words why I was in love with you, and that bothered me because I felt like that meant I don't really have a good reason... and that must've meant I didn't really love you. I don't know, ha, I guess I'm still confused... but through all that, I kind of knew that I would always have something for you... I do'nt know, probably because you were the first person I ever fell in love with.
Him: Wow... this makes me just regret what I did so much,
Me: Yea... I don't really know what to do right now... It definitely helps to know that you've been sorry about it... even better to hear you say it to me...
Him: Yea...
Me: I guess I'm willing to find out what we can do with ourselves... I never thought this would happen.
Him: I know... well, a lot has changed.
Me: Yea... it's definitely going to be different.
Him; Yea.
Me: You know you'll have to pursue me right? Because I'm different now too.
Him: Haha, yea I know.
Me: Ok. Just wanted to make that clear. It's not going to be that easy to just win me back,
Him: Haha. Ok.
Me: Ok well I better go now but I guess I'll call you later or you can call me later.
Him: Ok, what time?
Me: I don't know, I'm going to eat, then get some reading done. Just call when you feel like it.
Him: Ok.
Me: Ok, bye.
Him: Bye.