Learning To Love You More




Assignment #52
Write the phone call you wish you could have.

San Francisco, California USA



Me: Hello, this is Susan.
Mom: Hey, what are you up to?
Me: Oh hey Mom. Just doing a little work. What are you up to?
Mom: Well, I was just thinking about you. I was thinking about what a waste our relationship has been and I felt like I wanted to talk about it.
Me: You what?
Mom: Yes, I want to talk. AND more importantly, I want to listen.
Me: Okay. I have to say, I'm really surprised to hear you even speak of our relationship. But, I'm definitely ready and willing to talk.
Mom: I know, Susan. I know I haven't been the most communicative person in the world. I'm sorry for that and I want to make some changes. I want you to tell me everything that you have had on your mind. I want you to tell me how good you feel how awful you feel...And I want to listen.
Me: You actually want to listen? Mom, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but this is the moment I've been waiting for a chance to say whatever I want to you without feeling attacked or judged. You mean to tell me that I can say whatever I want. I can vent about what an uncommunicative, lonely childhood I had and you won't say a word? You'll just listen?
Mom: That's right.
Me: You won't have your usual comeback of "Oh, Susan...You're too sensitive"?
Mom: No, I'm truly willing to hear you. I want to hear you speak. I want you to tell me your true feelings about life.
Me: What? I can tell you how it made me feel that you didn't come to my school plays, to my speech contest, etc.? I can tell you that you made me feel like I wasn't very precious at all?
Mom: I'm listening.
Me: Well, what if I told you that I can take care of myself? What if I told you that I'm working really hard at realizing that I am precious after all. Would you still just sit there and listen?
Mom: I would. I would because I love you and I realize that my difficulty in truly loving you before was because I didn't love myself. I'm sorry I made you feel that you were fat, stupid and ugly. I suppose I was feeling fat, stupid and ugly. I'm sorry for projecting that crap onto you. I know that you didn't deserve that. I know that you are precious.
Me: Thanks, Mom. I can't tell you how I've longed to hear those words come out of your mouth. Okay, here's the thing This is going to sound horrible. I'd love to have this conversation with you, but I'm in the middle of a tight deadline. Can I call you back? Will you still want to have this conversation? Because I'm afraid that I'm going to wake up and it all be a dream. Please tell me that we will be able to actually communicate after I hang up this phone.
Mom: Susan, I love you and I am ready to have the kind of relationship that we were meant to have.
Me: Yippeee!
Mom: Okay, now go finish your deadline. Call me when you're ready. I'm so proud of you, Susan. You are a gift.
Me: Thanks, Mom.
Mom: Talk to you later love you.
Me: I love you too, Mom. Bye.
Mom: Bye - Bye